Thursday, August 28, 2008

CHAPTER 49

The running water seemed to calm Sen’s nerves. He was alone in the men’s bathroom. The discomfort was killing him. Van sat in one of the chairs outside the coffee shop. To add salt to the wound, Bea Munoz Pojas was with him.

Van and Bea got married a year after he left for San Francisco. He still was an actor, but more focused on dramatic roles that teeny-boppers. The industry recognized his talent, granting him a few Best Actor awards.

After dinner, he excused himself from Laarni and Jansen and went into the bathroom. Hansen, it’s all in the past, he said to himself.

The doorknob began to twist. Sen looked at the door and watched who was going to enter.

“Sen.” A familiar voice said as the door opened. Van entered the bathroom. Sen managed a smile. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Sen said, still looking at the mirror. He looked at Van through the mirror as the younger man stood behind him.

“I tried calling you, but you would not answer my calls.” It was true. Van tried calling Sen to explain and apologize, but Sen did not answer any of his calls, or any other calls for that matter.

“It doesn’t take a genius to know why.” Sen replied.

“Listen, I would like to apologize for what happened. I just got carried away with my emotions. I was hurt, so hurt.” Van explained. “I was hurt when you chose Cris.”

“It’s ok. I’ve forgiven you.” Sen said. There was an awkward silence between the two.

“Um, Sen. I don’t know if this is the right time, but I want you to know that I still love you.” Van said.

“You’re with Bea now. That’s where you should be. We have destroyed one family too many. My family is enough collateral.”

“Don’t you love me anymore.” Van asked. Sen turned around to face him.

“I do. But If I return to you, it would be as if I never respected myself. I have to love myself before anyone else.” He replied. “I love you, but I have to love myself more.”

Van stepped closer to Sen. He could feel Sen’s breath now. He moved his face closer, their lips almost touched.

“Van, please.” Sen said as he pushed Van away. Van looked at Sen and understood. He stepped back.

“Why didn’t you answer my calls then?” He asked. “I wanted to talk to you, to say sorry, to say that I do want to go to Greece with you.”

“The last thing I wanted you to know was that you hurt me. So much. So, so much.” Sen replied. Van bowed his head in guilt. “But now that you know it, perhaps I could have my closure. Thank you Van, for making me stronger.”

Van looked at the man he defiled, yet loved at the same time. He knew he was supposed to be distraught that Sen did not want to be with him, yet he was surprised that there was no remorse in his heart. Instead, there was a feeling of optimism and joy. It was as if a thorn had been removed from his heart. He smiled.

“Remember our song? Can you sing it for me?” Sen requested. Van proceeded to sing: I’ve got to move on and be who I am, I just don’t belong here I hope you understand. We might find our place in this world someday, but at least for now, I got to go my own way.

“Got to go my own way.” Sen repeated. He stretched out his hand. Van stood there for a moment. He had wanted to hug the man, but instead accepted his hand.

Sen smiled radiantly. He felt so light, so carefree as if a huge load has been lifted from his shoulders. He turned around and headed for the door. He opened the door and took a step outside. Before closing the door, he turned around and looked at Van. The young man was smiling.

“Goodbye Mr. Pojas.” Sen said as the door shut with finality.

END

CHAPTER 48

“What?” Laarni Losala Nichols shrieked as Hansen let out a laugh.

“I can’t tell you. It’s a family secret.”

“Well, I am part of family now!” Laarni protested. Sen stood up and whispered something in Laarni’s ear. She shrieked making the other customers look towards their direction. Laarni offerered an apologetic smile to everyone. The two were in a coffee shop at San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf. It had been almost three years since he left Manila to return home to San Francisco. He wanted to forget everything that happened and for him a change in location was the most appropriate.

He was thankful that Laarni was there every step of the way. She accompanied him every step of the way, almost never leaving his side. She would make it a point to visit him in their family home everyday. He cannot deny the fact that she was instrumental in his emotional recovery.

“By the way, have you heard?” Laarni asked. “Cris is going to get married again.” Sen nodded.

“Looks like she and Iñaki finally came through.” He said as he sipped his coffee. Annulment proceedings with Cris were not as messy as he thought. Their petition was granted almost immediately, infidelity charges she filed against him. However, he was still thankful that she practiced restraint and made it appear that a woman was the third party. They tried to mend their relationship for the sake of Louie, who visited his father in San Fo every summer.

Cris dated Inaki Ting, one of their fellow contestants a year after their annulment was granted. They lasted for another year prior to the engagement.

“Well, she deserves to be happy after the hell you put her through.” Laarni said. Hansen made a face and the two of them shared a laugh.

“Where is you brother anyway?” Laarni asked as she checked her watch.

“How should I know, you’ re his wife?!” Sen shot back. Laarni met Jansen Nichols as she was helping Hansen recover. The sparks flew almost instantaneously. After a few weeks, the two had started dating. The engagement came 2 months later, the wedding after 4 months.

“Well, he said he was finishing something up for the agency.” Laarni said. After the events of three years ago, Sen transferred control of Talentado to Laarni and Jansen. The two managed to improve business profits and expand internationally. They repackaged the agency into a modeling agency and renamed it Kartoffel Models, Inc. Business has been good as they represented some of the top models of today.

“He’ll be here in a while.” Sen said reassuringly. He had found work in a non-government organization that supports children with cancer. He shared their pain as he used to be one of them. Now, he devoted his time to their cause.

“By the way, I got mail from Bugoy. Apparently, Apple gave birth to her and Miguel's fifth child. Guess what she named the child?”

“What?” Sen asked.

“Vanpojas. Tacky, I know.” Laarni replied. He looked at Sen who seemed to be staring at something.

“Sen?” She asked again, yet he did not seem to notice her. She turned around, expecting to see her husband. He was not there, but another figure caught her eye. She understood the shock in Hansen’s face as she had the same expression in her too. The world indeed proved itself to small.

Outside the coffee shop, looking at them stood Van Pojas.

CHAPTER 47

“Sen?” Laarni shouted as she entered the Nichols’ house. Broken pieces of glassware lay on the floor, the plants had not been watered and had wilted. The furniture was in disarray. Empty beer bottles were strewn on the living room.

“Sen?” she repeated as she reached the stairs. Slowly, she lifted her feet up and climbed the stairs, her Manolos clacking against the floor. As she reached the second floor landing, she heard soft sobbing. She called out Hansen’s name one more time as she entered the master’s bedroom. She found no one. Slowly, she made her way to Louie’s bedroom.

“Hansen?” she said as she entered the bedroom. He was seated on the corner, sobbing uncontrollably. Empty beer cans lay scattered all around him. For two weeks, he had secluded himself in the house and refused contact with anyone outside. It was out of concern that Laarni dropped by the house and by luck that the front door was unlocked.

She rushed to his side and hugged him. He reeked of perspiration and beer, having not taken a bath for three days, but Laarni did not care. He cried in her arms.

“It hurts.” Sen managed to say. Laarni understood.

“Remember when I said that trust and love involved betting on an unsure? The feeling becomes a collateral. We get hurt, yet we must move on.”

“Everything I hold dear is gone- Cris, Louie, Van…” Sen said.

“You still have you friends.” He looked at Laarni. Her smile reassured him.

“I do not know where to go. I am so broken.”

Laarni hushed him. “You’ll pick up the pieces. Move on.”

“Hansen, before you love anyone, you have to love yourself first. Otherwise, how can anyone else love you. You gave yourself too much to Van that you neglected the other people you hold dear.” Hansen felt the words stinging his heart. “Van is not the be all and end all of you. You have to live your life.”

“Where do I go from here?” Hansen looked at Laarni, his eyes swollen, his stubble was very evident, a rough moustache was growing above his lips. Laarni looked at him with affection and smiled. She brushed the hair covering his face. Even in this situation, Sen still looks very much like the charmer that he was seven years ago.
“Only you can answer that, Sen.” Laarni replied as Sen rested his head on her chest. “Only you can answer that.”

CHAPTER 46

“Cris?” Sen opened the front door of his house. The house was deserted. He rushed upstairs to check on the master’s bedroom. The bed was a mess, his clothes were scattered on the floor, just like he left it the night before. He went inside the bathroom and saw that Cris’ cabinets were open. Her clothes were not there.

He ran to louie’s bedroom, the cabinets were also empty. Acting on a hunch, he proceeded to where he thought Cris would go.

* * *
“Cris!” he shouted outside Cris’ parents house in BF Parañaque City. “Let’s talk! I’m sorry.”

Cris made good on her promise that nothing would be waiting for him when he returned home. She packed her bags and brought Louie to her parents house to seek refuge. She knew that she would find herself forgiving Sen if he found them in Greenhills.

“Cris!” Sen repeated after banging the gate.

Inside, Cris stood behind the front door, tears welling in her eyes. She cradled Louie in her arms. She had wanted to go out, but something was holding her back. Cris got hurt too much, she did not want to lose any self-respect she had left.

“Hansen!” a male voice screamed. Sen looked up and saw Mr. Pastor standing on the balcony.

“Dad! Please, let me talk to Cris.” Sen begged.

“No. You’ve hurt her long enough.”

“Please Dad, let us iron this out.”

“You have no more family here, Hansen.” Mr. Pastor said with finality. He then entered the house.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

CHAPTER 45

“This is all that bitch’s fault.” Bea said as she put ice on Van’s swollen cheek. He sat on the black leather couch, dazed. He never expected Hansen to react the way he did. He had after all intended to show up at PDA, but not to go with Hansen, rather to dismiss him. This was the final act of revenge for him- to leave Sen the way he had left him.

“Hansen should not be mad at you, he should be mad at Cris.” Bea said.

“Bea, please! Leave me alone for a while.” Van said as he stood up and headed for the bedroom.

Alone in the bedroom, Van sat down on the bed. His revenge was now complete, yet somehow he was not happy. I hurt Sen, he thought. He gave me his trust. I destroyed it.

He stood up and went to his dresser. He stood there for a while, looking at himself at the mirror. He no longer saw the carefree 18-year-old, rather a 25-year-old monster looked back at him.

He shouted at the top of his lungs and hurled everything at the drawer- cigarettes, perfume, creams. He banged on the table until his knuckles bled. It took a moment later that he realized he was crying.

CHAPTER 44

“Van!” a voice roused Van from his sleep. There was heavy pounding of wood. His head throbbed. Slowly, he got up and wrapped the blanket around his waist. He walked towards the door and opened it.

Sen pushed the door open and entered Van’s unit.

“I had been waiting for you all night? Where were you?” Sen asked.

“I, uh, fell asleep.” Van lied.

“Conveniently in the nude.” Sen said looking at Van. “I waited for you until sunrise infront of PDA.”

“Listen, Sen. I fell asleep. I-“

“Van?” a female voice screamed out. Sen looked at the direction of the bedroom, then to Van. The bedroom door opened.

“Who’s that?” Sen froze.

At the doorway stood Bea, wearing Van’s shirt. Sen felt the world closing in on him, so this was the reason why Van did not meet him, he had a rendezvous with Bea. All the anger was building up within him now. He looked at Van, who was smirking. That was the last straw, his fist landed on Van’s cheek.

He bolted out of the unit.

CHAPTER 43

Pinoy Dream Academy stood out like a broken space shuttle in the darkness. Ever since ABS-CBN has stopped the franchise of all Endemol shows three years ago, the PBB/PDA studios have fallen into disrepair. The painted façade of the building has chipped, the street lights cast an eerie glow to the building, now used as a props store room.

Outside the Academy, Sen waited patiently inside his BMW. The sound of merrymaking from a nearby bar could be heard. He took a glance at his watch,10:45. Still plenty of time before 1, he thought.

He alighted from his car and looked at the PDA façade. Where it all began, he thought. Instantly, he was brought back to that fateful expulsion night when he and van stood face-to-face. The next words Toni Gonzaga mentioned had been a blur. All he could recall was that he cried himself to sleep that night.

Now, Hansen had to wait, the same way he waited for two weeks for the Grand Dream Night. Van’s instructions to him were clear: They were to meet in front of PDA then proceed to the airport for their flight to Greece.

1:00 came and went, yet not even a shadow of Van arrived. He’ll be here Sen thought to himself.

By 6:00, Sen was speeding through EDSA rushing towards Eastwood City.

CHAPTER 42

Van emerged from the bathroom carrying a pile of his shirts. He stuffed them unceremoniously into his gym bag.

He sat down beside the bag and got his half finished cigarette. I’m almost done, he thought. Just a task lay at hand.

He was amazed at the work he had done. He had planned this for quite some time, but he had difficulty planning his return. It was Cris Nichols herself who opened the door when she invited him to the reunion. Everything fell into place from there.

Now, there was only one thing left, he thought as he took a puff. He picked up his phone and dialed a number.

“Hello?” he asked as the other end picked up.

* * *
“Are you sure about this?” Laarni asked as she handed two plane tickets to Sen.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” He replied as he stuffed the tickets into his jacket. The two had met at Laarnia. Upon Sen’s prodding, Laarni purchased the plane tickets for Sen and Van to Athens.

“Well, you seem happy.” Sen smiled.

“La, thank you for everything. You really are a friend.” Sen said as he held Laarni’s hand.

“I made a promise to a friend to take care of you. I’m just fulfilling his wishes.” Laarni replied. Sen nodded.

“I’m going to miss you.” Sen stood up and hugged Laarni.

“Where do you go from here?” She asked as he pulled away.
“Honestly I do not know.”

CHAPTER 41

Welcome to hell, Cris thought as she pulled up her Toyota Vios into the driveway. She took a deep breath as she opened the door of her car. This past week, 63 Colombia has become hell for Cristina. She used to love her home, but now it was like a plague that she avoided. But, her life outside the house has also been hell. Contact with Bea has been a lost cause as she refused to return her messages. She knew Bea had told Liezel already since she too had dropped out of her radar altogether.

She pushed open the door and the vast living room greeted her. The cheerful yellow couch seemed drab to her now. The oriental furnishings that she lovingly placed were eyesores. As she climbed the stairs, she noticed activity in the Master’s Bedroom. What could Hansen be possibly be doing right now? She thought.

An instant later she saw it.

At the foot of the bed lay Hansen’s suitcase. A moment later, Hansen emerged from the bathroom with a pile clothes in hand.

“What’s the meaning of this?” She asked.

“I’m leaving.”

“To be with him?” Hansen placed the clothes onto the suitcase.

“Hansen, you’re taking things too fast.” Cris said as she dropped her bag at her dresser. “Maybe this is just a test.” Despite of everything going on, the thought of Hansen leaving her was still too much for her to bear.

“I’ve thought things over.” Hansen said as he went back into the bathroom.

“Hansen, please don’t leave me. We can work it out. I know we can.”

“Cris, throughout the years we’ve been married, I tried to be happy. I wanted to be happy for us, but I just can’t be.” Hansen said as he emerged from the bathroom one more time. “This is my chance for happiness and I want to take it.”

Cris rushed towards Hansen and hugged him. She knew it was a desperate plea.

“Hansen, I love you! I can forgive everything, put please don’t go.” Hansen removed Cris from his body. He bent over and closed his suitcase. He picked it up and proceeded towards the door of the bedroom. Cris followed him. She knew Louie will hear them fighting but she had to make her voice heard.

“You want to be with Van? To be what? His secret whore? That’s what you’ll be.” She screamed as Sen was going down the stairs. He stopped in his tracks and faced her

“I’d rather be his whore than your husband.”

Cris felt like she was stabbed in the heart. She had expected to hear everything, but the last line uttered by Sen, she was unprepared. She made a dash to the stairs.

“Papa!” Louie screamed as Sen reached the first floor. The little girl ran towards her father. “Where are you going?”

Sen picked up the little girl and embraced her.

“Papa will just be away for a while. Only for a little while.” He lied. He knew Louie would not be able to understand the situation just yet. He kissed his daughter in the forehead.

“Take care of Mama ok?” Louie nodded as he put her down. He then walked slowly towards the door.

“Sen!” Cris screamed as she reached the ground floor. “If you step out that door, you’ll have nothing to come back to.”

Hansen stopped, turned around and looked at his family. His eyes then wandered around the house. This house held so many secrets, it’s time one finally unravels he thought. With finality, he walked past the door and closed it shut.

CHAPTER 40

Cris entered the Ladies bathroom and slammed the door shut. She bolted the lock and then rushed to the sink. She studied herself in the mirror. Her left cheek was red and puffed up. There was a small gash as well. Bea’s ring had hit her and made a shallow wound.

She felt a rising anger inside her. She got the tissue dispenser from the counter and hurled it to the floor, followed by a blood-curdling scream. Tears were now flowing freely. He has got everything she has held dear- her friends, her family, Sen. Where was the Van she was fond of? What happened to him?

If he was hell bent on destroying her, he had been successful. She was broken, alone, and and cold.

Van’s words echoed in her ears, Revenge is a dish best served cold.

* * *
“Hello Van?” Sen asked as he sat on behind his office desk.

“Sen” Van replied at the other end of the line.

“Bea came here this morning, she had a tiff with Cris.” Sen informed.

“Oh really, what about?” Van asked, sounding innocent.

“I think Bea saw you and Cris talking. She said you two were having an affair.”

“Really?” A smile crept across Van’s face.

“Anyway, I called to tell you I have made my decision.”

“about what?”

“your offer.”

“Oh.” At the other end of the line, Van listened intently as Hansen made his decision.

“Okay. I understand.” Van said. “We’ll keep in touch.” He said as he put the phone down. He took a puff of his cigarette and looked out the window. Outside, the sun was setting, the shadows cast a sinister figure on his face.