CHAPTER 49

The running water seemed to calm Sen’s nerves. He was alone in the men’s bathroom. The discomfort was killing him. Van sat in one of the chairs outside the coffee shop. To add salt to the wound, Bea Munoz Pojas was with him.

Van and Bea got married a year after he left for San Francisco. He still was an actor, but more focused on dramatic roles that teeny-boppers. The industry recognized his talent, granting him a few Best Actor awards.

After dinner, he excused himself from Laarni and Jansen and went into the bathroom. Hansen, it’s all in the past, he said to himself.

The doorknob began to twist. Sen looked at the door and watched who was going to enter.

“Sen.” A familiar voice said as the door opened. Van entered the bathroom. Sen managed a smile. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Sen said, still looking at the mirror. He looked at Van through the mirror as the younger man stood behind him.

“I tried calling you, but you would not answer my calls.” It was true. Van tried calling Sen to explain and apologize, but Sen did not answer any of his calls, or any other calls for that matter.

“It doesn’t take a genius to know why.” Sen replied.

“Listen, I would like to apologize for what happened. I just got carried away with my emotions. I was hurt, so hurt.” Van explained. “I was hurt when you chose Cris.”

“It’s ok. I’ve forgiven you.” Sen said. There was an awkward silence between the two.

“Um, Sen. I don’t know if this is the right time, but I want you to know that I still love you.” Van said.

“You’re with Bea now. That’s where you should be. We have destroyed one family too many. My family is enough collateral.”

“Don’t you love me anymore.” Van asked. Sen turned around to face him.

“I do. But If I return to you, it would be as if I never respected myself. I have to love myself before anyone else.” He replied. “I love you, but I have to love myself more.”

Van stepped closer to Sen. He could feel Sen’s breath now. He moved his face closer, their lips almost touched.

“Van, please.” Sen said as he pushed Van away. Van looked at Sen and understood. He stepped back.

“Why didn’t you answer my calls then?” He asked. “I wanted to talk to you, to say sorry, to say that I do want to go to Greece with you.”

“The last thing I wanted you to know was that you hurt me. So much. So, so much.” Sen replied. Van bowed his head in guilt. “But now that you know it, perhaps I could have my closure. Thank you Van, for making me stronger.”

Van looked at the man he defiled, yet loved at the same time. He knew he was supposed to be distraught that Sen did not want to be with him, yet he was surprised that there was no remorse in his heart. Instead, there was a feeling of optimism and joy. It was as if a thorn had been removed from his heart. He smiled.

“Remember our song? Can you sing it for me?” Sen requested. Van proceeded to sing: I’ve got to move on and be who I am, I just don’t belong here I hope you understand. We might find our place in this world someday, but at least for now, I got to go my own way.

“Got to go my own way.” Sen repeated. He stretched out his hand. Van stood there for a moment. He had wanted to hug the man, but instead accepted his hand.

Sen smiled radiantly. He felt so light, so carefree as if a huge load has been lifted from his shoulders. He turned around and headed for the door. He opened the door and took a step outside. Before closing the door, he turned around and looked at Van. The young man was smiling.

“Goodbye Mr. Pojas.” Sen said as the door shut with finality.

END